|Eurovision Battle Royale 2029|
|Semi-Final 1||14 June - 19 June|
|Semi-Final 2||15 June - 19 June|
|Semi-Final 3||16 June - 22 June|
|Grand Final||28 June - 16 July|
|Winning Citizen||Jacqueline Poissonnier|
|Eurovision Battle Royale|
|↞ 2028 ♦ 2030 ↠|
The Eurovision Battle Royale 2029, also known as the Eurovision 2029, or the EBR 2029, or more simply Belgium 2029, was the 14th annual edition of the Battle Royale contest that took place in Belgium. A total of 55 countries announced their intent to participate in the event. The Battle Royale consisted of three semi-finals, with each starting 24 hours after the one that preceded it.
The host country, Belgium, was the winning nation of the 13th edition the year before, which gave them automatic hosting responsibilities for this edition, as well as automatically qualifying them to the Grand Final. The other countries were obliged to compete in three semi-finals, with each being distributed randomly through a random draw. During the semi-finals, 36 citizens participated in a fight to the death until only between 11 and 12 citizens remained, with the remaining qualifying for the Grand Final in which another fight to the death would take place, this time until only one remained.
The winner of this edition of the Eurovision Battle Royale was Jacqueline Poissonnier of Monaco. She bludgeoned Sanja Prgomet of Croatia to death with a baseball bat, causing her to finish as the runner-up. Ivo Azevedo of Portugal, former favorite-to-win Amber Primeau of Luxembourg, and the host nation's female citizen Teresa Roijakkers completed the Top 5 in that order. The host country's other citizen, Arjen Luttikhuis, was killed by the Dutch citizen Marijke, which caused anti-Dutch riots through Flanders and a brief political firestorm between the neighboring countries, all due to the brutal way in which Marijke killed a citizen from a country who is supposed to be an ally.
- 1 Arena
- 2 Format and Rules
- 3 Tie-Break rules for the Semi-Finals
- 4 Qualification for the Grand Final
- 5 Semi-Final 1
- 6 Semi-Final 2
- 7 Semi-Final 3
- 8 Summary of the Semi-Finals
- 9 The Grand Final
- 9.1 Day 1 (June 28)
- 9.2 Day 2 (June 29)
- 9.3 Day 3 (June 30)
- 9.4 Day 4 (July 1)
- 9.5 Day 5 (July 2)
- 9.6 Day 6 (July 3)
- 9.7 Day 7 (July 4)
- 9.8 Day 8 (July 5)
- 9.9 Day 9 (July 6)
- 9.10 Day 10 (July 7)
- 9.11 Day 11 (July 8)
- 9.12 Day 12 (July 9)
- 9.13 Day 13 (July 10)
- 9.14 Day 14 (July 11)
- 9.15 Day 15 (July 12)
- 9.16 Day 16 (July 13)
- 9.17 Day 17 (July 14)
- 9.18 Day 18 (July 15)
- 9.19 Day 19 (July 16)
- 10 Final Results
The Arena for this edition was decided on the 31 October, 2028.
Format and Rules
The draw to determine in which semi-final each country would participate, as well as the podium numbers on which the host country's citizens would start, took place in Antwerp, on the 4 of December, 2028. Each country had until December 1st to announce their intent to participate in the Eurovision, and each country had until March 6, 2029 to submit their citizens.
The majority of countries chose their citizen through an internal selection, by means of a "Reaping". The reaping occurs when the governments of Europe, each organizes a televised lottery of their citizens where every single one, aged between 13 and 50, are obliged to have their names placed into a big pot of sorts, and after randomizing the names like a true lottery, one male and one female name are read out live on national television by government officials. These citizens are the reaped citizens to represent their country in the Eurovision. It's notable that each year the majority of citizens see this as an exciting honor, and many volunteer to be picked. To profit from this, it's necessary for each hopeful volunteer to pay money in order for their name to be entered more than once. This process could cost from as little as £50 in poorer countries, to £500 in more wealthy ones. The maximum number of times that a volunteer can have their name in a pot is 100. One would think that there wouldn't be that many volunteers for such a violent and life-ending event, but in this universe, the citizens of Europe look extremely positively on the event and see it as rebirth of the Golden Age of Ancient Greece and Rome; therefore, there are thousands of citizens each year who try to volunteer to bring glory and honor to their country.
In the build-up to the actual event, each reaped citizen is invited to many locations all throughout Europe to promote themselves, forge alliances with the other citizens, and talk with potential sponsors. These official parties are announced by the Event Organizers (EOs) usually around the start of the new year. These are televised and watched by millions as well, similar to how millions each year watch the red carpet for award shows.
The list of Official Parties for this year:
- Netherlands: Amsterdam (10 March)
- Italy: Venice (24 March)
- Croatia: Dubrovnik (14 April)
- France: Nice (20 April)
These parties aren't obligatory however, and some alternatives to this include immediately moving into the Citizen's Village (usually a high-tec tower or complex located in or near the city center of the most populous city in the host country). In any case, citizens are obliged to move into the Citizen's Village before the X of May, 20xx. This is because each citizen needs time to get their fitness up and competitive to put on an entertaining TV show, as well as acclimate to the host country. The EOs provide each country and citizen with their own team of trainers, cooks, stylists, and other specialists free of charge to ensure that each citizen can become fit and competitive enough so the Battle Royale will be as entertaining as ever. For the month that the citizens live there, they are encouraged to learn survival techniques and work out so their chances of survival in the harsh Arena increases.
The night before the first semi-final, the Opening Ceremony takes place. Comparable to Olympic ceremonies, this ceremony celebrates the history and culture of the host country, and further includes multiple shows of firework, music, and other cultural and ethnic performances, as well as high-tec displays and other pyrotechnics. Following the cultural show is the Parade of Nations. Each citizen from the participating countries were brought into the main complex (usually the widest and biggest street in the Capitol of the host country) on high-tec self-driving chariots and shown to billions worldwide. More so, each chariot was decorated with symbols from the country each citizen is from, and followed their national flag. As soon as the pomp and celebration finished, the EOs and government officials of the host country gave speeches, the Eurovision Battle Royale flag was raised with the host country's flag, and the citizen's oath. The final event of the ceremony is the lighting of the cauldron, performed by the winner of the previous edition in every edition so far except the first.
Following the Opening Ceremony, the citizens are forced into lockdown in the Citizen's Village until their semi-final. It is forbidden for a citizen to have prior knowledge to results in a semi-final or access to anything that could give them an advantage in their semi-final. In fact, the citizens are forced to go with television and internet until their semi-final. This is to assure that the suspense is retained and each citizen participates fairly.
Tie-Break rules for the Semi-Finals
- Top 11 or 12 remaining citizens in each semi-final all live to compete in the Grand Final
- Of those, they are firstly ranked by number of kills they have committed.
- If the citizens have the same number of kills, then the tie-break favors the one that reached that number of kills the earliest.
- If all is still tied, then the Degrees of Separation Rule is enforced.
- ex. Jan of Germany kills only Teo of Belgium. Teo of Belgium had killed 2 other citizens beforehand. Erik of Sweden only kills Andriy of Russia. Andriy of Russia had killed 1 citizen beforehand. Jan of Germany will be ranked higher than Erik of Sweden in the semi-finals.
- 5. This Degree of Separation Rule will continue until necessary.
- 6. If all is still tied, the tie-break favors those who are furthest away from pod number 18.
- 7. If all is still tied, then the citizens will share the position.
Qualification for the Grand Final
Thirty-six citizens participated in each semi-final. Fifty-five countries participated in the Eurovision Battle Royale this year.
The first semi-final took place between June 14 and June 19.
|12||Bosnia & Herzegovina||Dina Hasic||female||37||31||0|
|18||Bosnia & Herzegovina||Munir Milošević||male||40||20||1|
|27||Czech Republic||Andrea Jindrová||female||17||21||0|
|32||San Marino||Berto Zetticci||male||14||35||0|
The second semi-final took place between June 15 and June 19.
|23||Czech Republic||Prokop Mazal||male||50||10||0|
|25||Northern Ireland||Declan Hartley||male||17||17||0|
|31||Northern Ireland||Eve Howells||female||16||7||1|
The third semi-final took place between June 16 and June 22.
|11||Faroe Islands||Stefan Højgaard||male||32||10||0|
|15||San Marino||Beata Sabbatini||female||33||1||2|
|23||Faroe Islands||Sigrun Simonsen||female||41||29||0|
Summary of the Semi-Finals
Preparation for the Grand Final
The Grand Final
Welcome to the start of the Eurovision Battle Royale 2029. In just under 5 minutes, thirty-six of Europe's finest, most brave citizens will be raised onto their pods going into the Arena, and in what will likely be two weeks, only one will emerge as the sole victor and Champion of Europe. We can only imagine how nervous and anxious the fans from the finalist nations must be, and how even more nervous their citizens must be!
Day 1 (June 28)
It was a slow opening day. The citizen of last year's host, Yan of Malta, killed one of the favorites, Klara of Poland, in the opening minutes, while another favorite, Ina of Latvia, exploded onto the scene immediately by getting two kills. The rest of the 33 remaining citizens have scattered throughout Bruges by now.
Three citizens died, 33 remain.
Day 2 (June 29)
Today was a lot more dramatic. Ina of Latvia has been showing no fear in proving her strengths by becoming the hot favorite to win this early on, after getting her 3rd kill in as many days. She killed Prudència of Andorra, another favorite, while she was eating out of the trash. Later on, young Luca of England tried to attack the two Luxembourgers at the same time, as they tried to stealthily walk the quiet streets of north-western Bruges. Luca stabbed Charlot in the spine, causing Amber to turn around and engage in a weapons fight that ended in her throwing one of her knives into his chest. Hours later, after doing everything she could to help Charlot, he begged her to kill him, which she was forced to do through tears. Finally, when the moon was high in the night sky, Yan thought he was safe hiding in an abandoned flat located in the south-eastern section of the Arena, but he didn't know the Eugeniusz of Poland had been stalking him for two days to try and get revenge for the death of Klara. When Yan fell asleep, Eugeniusz stabbed him in the chest six times.
Six citizens died, 27 remain.
Day 3 (June 30)
There wasn't much action again. Nikita of Sweden was walking through the Arena near one of the canals when she was suddenly shoved into it by Jacqueline, who had been trailing her all day. Nikita couldn't swim well, so she ended up drowning.
One citizen died, 26 remain.
Day 4 (July 1)
There were no events today.
Day 5 (July 2)
There was good news for the host country to cheer about: one of their citizens has finally got her first kill. Teresa and Arjen spotted Prokop of Czechia in the distance, and decided to trail him. After following him for some time, Teresa aimed and shot her arrow at him, which hit him straight in the back of the neck, killing him instantly. Later that afternoon, Eugeniusz found himself lost in a section of the Arena he wasn't familiar with. Daisy of Wales was hiding in plain sight when she killed him with her baton. Lastly, Pakrad of Armenia got his second kill of the Eurovision by wrestling Vedran of Croatia to the ground and strangling him to death.
Three citizens died, 23 remain.
Day 6 (July 3)
There were two deaths today, but only one has set the World buzzing. Arjen of Belgium has been killed by his neighbor-country's ally, Marijke of the Netherlands. Already, there have been small riots in the streets of Antwerp, Brussels, and Liege due to the controversy of it all. The two had been sleeping under some bushes in the north-eastern section of the Arena when they were found by Marijke. She set the bush on fire with a molotov cocktail she found in the Cornucopia. The Belgians woke up because of the heat and smoke. They panicked, and it was soon evident that Arjen wouldn't be able to escape. He was screaming for Teresa to run away, because Marijke was still there trying to maneuver around the fire to get to the two to finish them both off. Teresa desperately tried to help Arjen as much as she could, but once she couldn't hear him any longer, she ran away in fear. It is unclear whether Arjen died due to smoke inhalation or burns.
Two citizens died, 21 remain.
Day 7 (July 4)
While the drama from yesterday continues to dominate news outlets around the world wanting to cover the recent diplomatic controversy between Netherlands and Belgium, there's still a Battle Royale to report. Renja of Serbia is now out of the Eurovision due to her dying at the hands of Daisy of Wales, who again hid in plain sight before smashing the back of Renja's head with a roof-brick. Stefan of Faroe Islands, weakened and confused due to lack of food, was easily strangled to death by Soare of Moldova.
Two citizens died, 19 remain.
Day 8 (July 5)
It was another slow day. The only death came from the Belarusian, who fell into the canal and drowned while he was trying to drink from it.
One citizen died, 18 remain.
Day 9 (July 6)
Marijke doesn't even know the political chaos she caused between her home country and her neighboring host country. It is also plainly obvious that she didn't realize she killed a Belgian. While Belgium is busy trying to calm anti-Dutch rioting, and the Netherlands trying to re-establish good ties with the Flemish community, she got her second kill. Using Arjen's old weapon, she slingshotted a spiked stone straight into Pakrad if Armenia's neck, killing him slowly but surely. Young Ivo of Portugal also got his first kill. While on his way to the Cornucopia, seemingly to look for leftover supplies, he spotted Victor of Romania scavenging through it. The two fought, but Ivo was able to slam Victor's head onto the stone ground, killing him. Lastly, Halette of France made her mark this evening when she got into a very cinematic and entertaining battle with Lluís of Andorra. The two ran into each other in the same flat, leading to a fist/weapons fight which culminated in Halette pushing Lluís through a nearby window, causing him to fall two stories down onto the sidewalk, where he died upon impact.
Three citizens died, 15 remain.
Day 10 (July 7)
The only action today came from yet another cinematic fight from Halette of France. Nearly identical to her fight with Lluís yesterday, she instead got her second kill by slamming a kitchen pot multiple times onto the head of Rasmus from Denmark. He died due to the blunt force trauma.
One citizen died, 14 remain.
Day 11 (July 8)
Today was a whirlwind day for Europe. The political crisis between the Netherlands and Belgium seems to have ended due to the death of Marijke at the hands of the citizen of their neighbors, Amber of Luxembourg. Later on in the day, a disheveled Ina of Latvia was found roaming the southern Bruges streets near the cathedral and was spotted by Ivo. He snuck up behind her and put her in a chokehold until she suffocated to death. With both these two dead, the field is now wide open for anyone to win it, as they were both the top 2 favorites to win according to bookmakers.
Two citizens died, 12 remain.
Day 12 (July 9)
Attention citizens: The Cornucopia has been replenished with food, water, and new weapons. Good luck.
With the Cornucopia replenished, the remaining 12 citizens flocked to the city centre of Bruges to see what they could get, and of course that led to bloodshed. Maigurs of Latvia, who no one expected to do well at all, was the first to be killed when Jacqueline struck his head with a baseball bat. Soare of Moldova was killed by the dangerous and new favorite to win, Amber of Luxembourg, when she strangled him with the straps of a backpack. Unknown to Andrea of Moldova that her fellow country-man had just been killed, she showed up at the Cornucopia as well, but she was able to kill young Lena of Liechtenstein easily. After all that, Daisy of Wales decided to sleep in a tree, but she couldn't see well in the dark and misplaced her foot, causing her to fall and snap her neck.
Four citizens died, 8 remain.
Day 13 (July 10)
There were no events today.
Day 14 (July 11)
We're getting closer and closer to finding out the winner of the 14th Eurovision Battle Royale. It's anyones game, but bookies have Amber of Luxembourg as the clear favorite, followed by Teresa of Belgium, and Jacqueline of Monaco. Ivo and Sanja are distant joint-4th favorites.
Three citizens died, 5 remain.
Day 15 (July 12)
There were no events today.
Day 16 (July 13)
There were no events today.
Day 17 (July 14)
After days of no action, there was only a little bit of it. Belgium's hopes of winning back-to-back have ended earlier this morning when Teresa found herself cornered in a small alley by a muttation wild dog, which was foaming at the mouth and barking unusually loud. It lunged and mauled her to death in less than two minutes.
One citizen died, 4 remain.
Day 18 (July 15)
Things are getting more and more exciting now! The huge favorite to win, Amber of Primeau, was just beaten to death by Jacqueline who was armed with her baseball bat. She broke Amber's ribs and once she aimed at her face, it was all over for her.
One citizen died, 3 remain.
Day 19 (July 16)
And that's it! Ladies and Gentlemen, the winner of the 14th Eurovision Battle Royale is Jacqueline Poissonnier of Monaco! Congratulations!
After two recent years in a row where Monaco placed second, they were desperate for a victory. Going into the final two was nerve-wrecking for them. Many thought Croatia would turn up as the surprise-victors and make Monaco the bridesmaid for the third time in history. But it wasn't to be and Monaco finally got their moment. Sanja was heavily injured after her battle with Ivo of Portugal, who she killed in the end for him to get third place. But she was no match for Jacqueline when the two met. In a very dramatic fashion, Jacqueline knocked Sanja to the ground and towered over her with her bat in her hands. After a dramatic stare-down where both tributes knew what the outcome would be, Jacqueline started to beat her until she was plastered with Sanja's blood.
|09||San Marino||Beata Sabbatini||female||33||35||0|
|10||Faroe Islands||Stefan Højgaard||male||32||20||0|
|18||Northern Ireland||Eve Howells||female||16||34||0|
|25||Czech Republic||Prokop Mazal||male||50||26||0|